Saturday, September 24, 2005
Ebony and Irony
Sometimes, it's easy to forget how absolutely bazaar some aspects of my life really are until a conversation with someone outside the family leaves them stunned, jaws agape, sometimes speechless. They take a few seconds to think, then they chuckle like I just gave them the punchline to a poorly conceived (or delivered) joke, and wait for me to say, "Just kidding!"
Although I'm a very imaginative person, even I would never make up a story so rich in kooky details as mine! No one would buy it!
In speaking to my co-worker at the gym where I held one of four part-time jobs last year while attending graduate school full-time and raising four children, it happened! I was telling her that because the middle of my three older brothers is on his 10th marriage, I have at some point had 14 sisters-in-law. The newest in my growing collection of these is Jin (pronounced "Jean") from China, who my youngest brother met on the Internet an inappropriately short time after the death of his wife of 25 years from ovarian cancer. He had decided that American women are too independent and don't believe in submissiveness, and that's not what he wanted this time around. He wanted a good, submissive woman, so he met, fell in love, visited (in China) this 40-something-year-old woman, proposed to her and married her. After a 24-month courtship/marriage, the paperwork was finalized and she flew to this country for the first time to join my brother in his love nest in Ashland, Alabama, just this past August.
After this strange conversation about sisters-in-law and love and marriage with my co-worker, I came home and remembered to call my brother to find out if his daughter who was soon to give birth to the child of a black man (with whom she had been in love for six or eight years) had delivered yet. I wanted to welcome the baby with a hand-made baby quilt, because quilting is one of my favorite creative outlets and has quite beautiful and practical outcomes.
When I called, my brother answered the phone in such a depressed tone, I was afraid something terrible had happened. Well, his wife had run away five days earlier. He arrived home from work to find a note telling him that she didn't want to stay here. He was completely depressed and heartbroken, and I was shocked and sad for him. I think it is an ill-conceived notion to marry outside one's own culture and socio-economic rank because of the vast differences that exist between men and women of similar culture/socio-economic ranks. Marriage is difficult enough without adding extra hardships to the mix. I'm not biased against mixed-race or mixed-culture marriages, I just think about the future arguments they'll have over everything from the grocery bill to holiday decisions. I'm sure it's very exciting though! Yikes.
Anyway, pouring through some of the details of my existence sounds like a most perfect recipe for memoir disguised as fiction! Don't you think?
Today, I received in the mail a letter from UAB about the graduation ceremony this December where I'll receive my Master's Degree in Elementary/Early Childhood Education. This will happen only two months prior to my official 20-year college reunion! Yes, in February of 2006, the University of Montevallo will be honoring the class of 1986, and I will be the youngest attendee at a mere 41 years of age. I hope that many of my friends from UM will show up, but the ones of which I'm most fond probably never graduated, and don't go to dorky functions like class reunions. So, there I'll be with all the SGA geeks, the Baptist Student Union stiffs, and the fraternity and sorority lemmings. My fellow Bohemians will be out partying (or home with their kids) just like every other Saturday night of the year.
So, why should I go? Because I look fucking GREAT, that's why! I'm in better shape than I have been since I was 17 and a naive (not for long) freshman on that beautiful campus. I want to wear a knockout "little black dress" and wear my hair long and flowing and surprise the SNOT out of everyone I see that pretty-but-chunky Rebecca has held up very well with age.
Plus, I feel like a very accomplished person having earned this Master's Degree. I was the first of my siblings to earn a Bachelor's Degree and now the first to earn a Master's. It may sound vain, but I truly feel like I'm blazing the path for the next generation of Owens children and, certainly, Montalbano children.
I have it all: marriage, four beautiful, smart children, education, job, house, and fitness! Who could ask for more? From the outside, it appears that I have everything. Only a select few know how frightened and crumbley I feel inside.
Although I'm a very imaginative person, even I would never make up a story so rich in kooky details as mine! No one would buy it!
In speaking to my co-worker at the gym where I held one of four part-time jobs last year while attending graduate school full-time and raising four children, it happened! I was telling her that because the middle of my three older brothers is on his 10th marriage, I have at some point had 14 sisters-in-law. The newest in my growing collection of these is Jin (pronounced "Jean") from China, who my youngest brother met on the Internet an inappropriately short time after the death of his wife of 25 years from ovarian cancer. He had decided that American women are too independent and don't believe in submissiveness, and that's not what he wanted this time around. He wanted a good, submissive woman, so he met, fell in love, visited (in China) this 40-something-year-old woman, proposed to her and married her. After a 24-month courtship/marriage, the paperwork was finalized and she flew to this country for the first time to join my brother in his love nest in Ashland, Alabama, just this past August.
After this strange conversation about sisters-in-law and love and marriage with my co-worker, I came home and remembered to call my brother to find out if his daughter who was soon to give birth to the child of a black man (with whom she had been in love for six or eight years) had delivered yet. I wanted to welcome the baby with a hand-made baby quilt, because quilting is one of my favorite creative outlets and has quite beautiful and practical outcomes.
When I called, my brother answered the phone in such a depressed tone, I was afraid something terrible had happened. Well, his wife had run away five days earlier. He arrived home from work to find a note telling him that she didn't want to stay here. He was completely depressed and heartbroken, and I was shocked and sad for him. I think it is an ill-conceived notion to marry outside one's own culture and socio-economic rank because of the vast differences that exist between men and women of similar culture/socio-economic ranks. Marriage is difficult enough without adding extra hardships to the mix. I'm not biased against mixed-race or mixed-culture marriages, I just think about the future arguments they'll have over everything from the grocery bill to holiday decisions. I'm sure it's very exciting though! Yikes.
Anyway, pouring through some of the details of my existence sounds like a most perfect recipe for memoir disguised as fiction! Don't you think?
Today, I received in the mail a letter from UAB about the graduation ceremony this December where I'll receive my Master's Degree in Elementary/Early Childhood Education. This will happen only two months prior to my official 20-year college reunion! Yes, in February of 2006, the University of Montevallo will be honoring the class of 1986, and I will be the youngest attendee at a mere 41 years of age. I hope that many of my friends from UM will show up, but the ones of which I'm most fond probably never graduated, and don't go to dorky functions like class reunions. So, there I'll be with all the SGA geeks, the Baptist Student Union stiffs, and the fraternity and sorority lemmings. My fellow Bohemians will be out partying (or home with their kids) just like every other Saturday night of the year.
So, why should I go? Because I look fucking GREAT, that's why! I'm in better shape than I have been since I was 17 and a naive (not for long) freshman on that beautiful campus. I want to wear a knockout "little black dress" and wear my hair long and flowing and surprise the SNOT out of everyone I see that pretty-but-chunky Rebecca has held up very well with age.
Plus, I feel like a very accomplished person having earned this Master's Degree. I was the first of my siblings to earn a Bachelor's Degree and now the first to earn a Master's. It may sound vain, but I truly feel like I'm blazing the path for the next generation of Owens children and, certainly, Montalbano children.
I have it all: marriage, four beautiful, smart children, education, job, house, and fitness! Who could ask for more? From the outside, it appears that I have everything. Only a select few know how frightened and crumbley I feel inside.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
The moment of truth . . .
He's left and there's a huge emptiness here.
He's not right down the street,
We won't be having lunch,
There won't be any video tapes to exchange,
And he's not even really available by cell phone or email.
He's gone. He's just gone.
Today was better, in that there were no tears.
It will pass.
That breaking feeling is very familiar, but it has been a long time.
Stay tuned . . . .
He's not right down the street,
We won't be having lunch,
There won't be any video tapes to exchange,
And he's not even really available by cell phone or email.
He's gone. He's just gone.
Today was better, in that there were no tears.
It will pass.
That breaking feeling is very familiar, but it has been a long time.
Stay tuned . . . .
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Leaving
Sean is moving to North Carolina next week. Next WEEK!!?? Oh, crap. This is absolutely devastating.
I feel like I'm losing my best friend. I don't know how I'll talk things out with him over the phone. It will be difficult bearing my soul to a cell phone, but I guess I'll learn. I'm getting a bit panicky as the time draws near, but that's not the bad part.
I have a tendency to want to pull away and throw up a brick wall real quick to hide my feelings behind. He sees me trying to do that and won't let it happen. Oh, shit. I'm going to have to actually deal with this as it happens.
This is different.
I feel like I'm losing my best friend. I don't know how I'll talk things out with him over the phone. It will be difficult bearing my soul to a cell phone, but I guess I'll learn. I'm getting a bit panicky as the time draws near, but that's not the bad part.
I have a tendency to want to pull away and throw up a brick wall real quick to hide my feelings behind. He sees me trying to do that and won't let it happen. Oh, shit. I'm going to have to actually deal with this as it happens.
This is different.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
testing
couldn't find the blog today - just testing.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Weeks and weeks later . . .
It's been absolutely FOREVER since I've blogged, and a great big WHEW!!!!!!! for all my adoring fans. Life has still been DYNAMIC at Chez Montalbano, (read "dynamic" to mean manic, chaotic, never predictable, but never dull) and even more changes are yet to come.
I am at a particularly wide FORK in my road of life. This 'Y' is so wide, it looks more like a peace sign - actually I'm at a 'T' maybe. Here's the dilemma.
Choice A, or #1, or the one I came up with first:
Register and attend Graduate School at UAB (while working one or more part-time jobs), complete the 5th year program and begin a teaching career.
Pros: yes, I love to go to school. job with good benefits, steady pay, vacation time with the children, state retirement plan.
Cons: expensive - $1692 per semester in tuition alone, plus fees, books, supplies, parking; semi-dangerous - downtown school after dark; 1.5 years until I get PAID for this path; do I really want to TEACH?
Choice B, or #2, or the fallback plan (and it still is not a bona fide offer on the table):
Get the job offer at Baptist Health Systems and TAKE it!
Pros: great company, great benefits, nice workplace, flexible dresscode, some people-work, some technical work, some training work, nice people to work with, free parking, 7 miles from my home, boss seems very nice and laid back (could he deal with me?), the money's good and would be exactly what the family needs. With steady income and keeping the business too, I can see debt payoff around the next corner, and some stability moves being made.
Cons: could still go to grad school, probably won't, what if I got laid off? what if he's NOT a great boss, what if managing this area is like guarding a tomb? Will I go insane? Will I sit and miss my babies all day every day?
When? Well, school starts 8/19, and I don't know when the job could materialize, but soon either way. I really want the job. I really REALLY want that job. I'll keep ya'll posted.
I am at a particularly wide FORK in my road of life. This 'Y' is so wide, it looks more like a peace sign - actually I'm at a 'T' maybe. Here's the dilemma.
Choice A, or #1, or the one I came up with first:
Register and attend Graduate School at UAB (while working one or more part-time jobs), complete the 5th year program and begin a teaching career.
Pros: yes, I love to go to school. job with good benefits, steady pay, vacation time with the children, state retirement plan.
Cons: expensive - $1692 per semester in tuition alone, plus fees, books, supplies, parking; semi-dangerous - downtown school after dark; 1.5 years until I get PAID for this path; do I really want to TEACH?
Choice B, or #2, or the fallback plan (and it still is not a bona fide offer on the table):
Get the job offer at Baptist Health Systems and TAKE it!
Pros: great company, great benefits, nice workplace, flexible dresscode, some people-work, some technical work, some training work, nice people to work with, free parking, 7 miles from my home, boss seems very nice and laid back (could he deal with me?), the money's good and would be exactly what the family needs. With steady income and keeping the business too, I can see debt payoff around the next corner, and some stability moves being made.
Cons: could still go to grad school, probably won't, what if I got laid off? what if he's NOT a great boss, what if managing this area is like guarding a tomb? Will I go insane? Will I sit and miss my babies all day every day?
When? Well, school starts 8/19, and I don't know when the job could materialize, but soon either way. I really want the job. I really REALLY want that job. I'll keep ya'll posted.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Journey
Weeks have passed
since 4:30 this afternoon.
The colors of life have
been revealed.
The mysteries of
generations past are
solved.
Close friends are closer.
Running circles around
time.
Gaining insight.
Blossoms of a dogwood hang,
suspended in mid-air,
like a mobile.
Fish swim in the pool
below the waterfall and
the leaves follow
faithfully
the currents that form.
Walking on rocks moving
on a planet revolving
in a universe ever-changing
under stars still shining
which died eons ago.
Supernova.
Sunset with a crescent moon
beside a bright star
on a black horizon
with yellow
orange
red
blue
purple.
Deep, dark blue-black sky
studded with Pliedes,
Orion,
and the Bears.
The view from the car
is so familiar.
Yet,
it seems so strange
tonight,
like a place I’ve never seen,
though I’ve been here for
a million years.
Back at the house,
the room is strange.
A candle.
The only light.
Inside,
the shadows dance.
Close the door!
Safe again.
Running circles around
time.
Gaining insight.
A face so familiar
changes before my eyes
to faces I’ve never seen
before,
yet as beautiful as the
one
I know.
Two faces:
mouth to mouth
nose to chin,
eyes to neck,
melting together
in the heat
of the candle.
Running ahead of time.
Shadows in the
candlelight.
Shadows play,
dance,
kiss.
Two shadows melt into
one.
We watch.
The world outside of the room
disappears.
Red
washes the scene.
Only the
turquoise
of your eyes
can permeate
the curtain of color.
Shadows
on your face
play.
I watch.
The candle flickers:
Time is gaining.
Blow out the candle.
Close your eyes.
Colors.
Dreams.
Faces.
Faces I’ve never seen before
appear behind closed eyelids,
calling to me.
The alarm rings.
Wake up!
Time is far ahead –
barely visible on the
horizon.
Go back to sleep
while
I
try
to catch up.
Rebecca Owens
April 17, 1986
since 4:30 this afternoon.
The colors of life have
been revealed.
The mysteries of
generations past are
solved.
Close friends are closer.
Running circles around
time.
Gaining insight.
Blossoms of a dogwood hang,
suspended in mid-air,
like a mobile.
Fish swim in the pool
below the waterfall and
the leaves follow
faithfully
the currents that form.
Walking on rocks moving
on a planet revolving
in a universe ever-changing
under stars still shining
which died eons ago.
Supernova.
Sunset with a crescent moon
beside a bright star
on a black horizon
with yellow
orange
red
blue
purple.
Deep, dark blue-black sky
studded with Pliedes,
Orion,
and the Bears.
The view from the car
is so familiar.
Yet,
it seems so strange
tonight,
like a place I’ve never seen,
though I’ve been here for
a million years.
Back at the house,
the room is strange.
A candle.
The only light.
Inside,
the shadows dance.
Close the door!
Safe again.
Running circles around
time.
Gaining insight.
A face so familiar
changes before my eyes
to faces I’ve never seen
before,
yet as beautiful as the
one
I know.
Two faces:
mouth to mouth
nose to chin,
eyes to neck,
melting together
in the heat
of the candle.
Running ahead of time.
Shadows in the
candlelight.
Shadows play,
dance,
kiss.
Two shadows melt into
one.
We watch.
The world outside of the room
disappears.
Red
washes the scene.
Only the
turquoise
of your eyes
can permeate
the curtain of color.
Shadows
on your face
play.
I watch.
The candle flickers:
Time is gaining.
Blow out the candle.
Close your eyes.
Colors.
Dreams.
Faces.
Faces I’ve never seen before
appear behind closed eyelids,
calling to me.
The alarm rings.
Wake up!
Time is far ahead –
barely visible on the
horizon.
Go back to sleep
while
I
try
to catch up.
Rebecca Owens
April 17, 1986
Friday, April 02, 2004
Two weeks with blogging . . . I'm about to explode!
Yes, Virginia, there is no balance in my life.
There never will be.
And, I'm OK with that.
For now, I'm focusing on the physical in my time, working out 6 days a week for 1 to 1.5 hours. During work hours, I'm creating with web stuff and writing, and that's enough right now.
I make this promise:
When I have a completely tight ass from all the resistance training I'm doing, I'll make more time for blogging.
For now, it's catch as catch can. Elvis Costello is serenading me with "Every Day I Write the Book" and life is good. My muscles are flaccid and achy, and that feels absolutely wonderful and right.
"Shipbuilding" is the current track on the Elvis Costello CD, and we decided that means a long and painstaking process - Sean and I. This fitness program is my shipbuilding.
More later . . . (I always say that!)
There never will be.
And, I'm OK with that.
For now, I'm focusing on the physical in my time, working out 6 days a week for 1 to 1.5 hours. During work hours, I'm creating with web stuff and writing, and that's enough right now.
I make this promise:
When I have a completely tight ass from all the resistance training I'm doing, I'll make more time for blogging.
For now, it's catch as catch can. Elvis Costello is serenading me with "Every Day I Write the Book" and life is good. My muscles are flaccid and achy, and that feels absolutely wonderful and right.
"Shipbuilding" is the current track on the Elvis Costello CD, and we decided that means a long and painstaking process - Sean and I. This fitness program is my shipbuilding.
More later . . . (I always say that!)
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